And The Money Kept Rolling In

So. You know how usually, I’m like, oh hey, take your time donating, we aren’t racing for like three months, just chill and enjoy the blog for now…?

This year really isn’t like that. I’m afraid it’s time…for the return of the serious face.

My serious face has improved not one bit since last year.

My serious face has improved not one bit since last year.

Okay, is everyone feeling nice and serious? Today marks just ONE MONTH until our Race for Life, so get those donations in!



I wish I looked more like puss in boots.

I wish I looked more like puss in boots.

This year, it’s gonna be a lighting round of fundraising. I will be the Usain Bolt of the Cancer Research world. And we’re off to an excellent start. This week, we’ve gotten our first few donations (big shout out to Eleanor, Janine, Grainne and my rather wonderful dad), and we’ve managed to recruit a few more laydeez for the Sister Act team.


This is Helen. She is every bit as excellent as this picture suggests. I once headbutted her in the face and cracked her cheekbone during an overcommitted dance move. She still wants to join my Race for Life team – that’s how lovely she is.


This is Nicola. You can pet her if you like, but be warned, she’s either gonna lick you or beat you up, depending on how she’s feeling. We’ve been besties since we looked like this:

She's probably gonna batter me for that.

She’s probably gonna batter me for that.

And finally, the big one. Oh my lord I am so excited. ladies and gents, I’m delighted to announce that after two years, Sister Act’s guest of honour has appeared at last. That’s right, MY MUM is running with us.


So much success. I am beyond happy. This is how I feel right now:

IMG_2632And as if all this wasn’t awesome enough, look what just fell through my letterbox:



IMG_2627You guuuys, stop that, you’re making me blush.

IMG_2634And here, as promised by that very charming envelope is my mega sexy Group Leader badge.

IMG_2640You feel that? That’s animal magnetism. In fact, I think next time I’m going on a date with Niall, I’ll dress entirely in Race for Life paraphernalia.

Me at my most desirable.

Me at my most desirable.

So get those donations flowing in folks, and get in touch if there’s any specific way I can humiliate myself on the internet for your moniez.





The Return of the Jedi

Guess who’s back?
Back again.
Sister Act.
Tell a friend.
Guess who’s back, Sister Act, guess who’s back, guess who’s back.
Nanana, nanana.


Ohhhh yes, the cancer kicking sisters are back! Let’s hear a “hell yeah!”

It’s been two years since Sophie and I first decided that we were gonna hit cancer back for trying to take our mum off us, and it’s been a pretty crazy ride.

We’ve raised over £2000 for Cancer Research UK, had our story featured on the Race for Life blog, and…er…this happened…

Paisley Daily Express - p3 June 7 2013

And this year, we’re back, bigger and better than ever before! I’m sure those of you who have followed our campaign from the start remember my joy when our duo became a triple threat last year.

Well. Have we got news for you. So far this year, there are six members of the Sister Act race team. I know. I’m beside myself.

Mothers’ Day is a most excellent day to be announcing the start of this year’s fundraising, because this year, it’s all about the mothers.

A lot of you already know mine and Sophie’s story, so I won’t go back through it again (if you don’t, click right here and here to read all about it).

Before you all get excited, no, our mother will not be joining the Race. She’s on holiday. Again. Shaaaame.

But her mother will be joining us.

Yes, that is my granny Rosie on Sophie's back. Yes, she is 65 years old. You can't handle the awesome.

Yes, that is my granny Rosie on Sophie’s back. Yes, she is 65 years old. You can’t handle the awesome.

And my second mother, the woman who helped raise me to be the raving lunatic you see before you, my utterly epic Auntie Kathleen will also be joining us.

BOOM. Jack is getting a lot of honourable appearances in this post.

BOOM. Jack is getting a lot of honourable appearances in this post.


Also entering the Sister Act fold this year, can we get a big round of applause for the glorious, the delectable, the entirely unstoppable not-so-wicked-stepmother, and her adorable little sidekick.

Yes, they are both Racing. No, you may not pet them.

Yes, they are both Racing. No, you may not pet them.

This is the third Longmuir sister, by the way. The whole gang is finally coming together to beat the hell out of cancer.

Guys, I am so excited I cannot even deal. My entire head is like a tiny party right now. Cancer, you picked a fight with the wrong family. You really messed up. Sister Act is coming for you. And this time, there’s a whole lot of us. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Sister Act: the Gathering.



So, I had fully intended to do a blog post every day running up to our race, because that’s how a countdown normally works. But then life happened. And this week, life has been a real barrel of laughs.

Bath-laundry-because-washing-machine-has-broken lulz.

Bath-laundry-because-washing-machine-has-broken lulz.

Laptop charger lulz.

Laptop charger lulz.

Kitchen-sink-is-also-broken lulz.

Kitchen-sink-is-also-broken lulz.

I'm-trying-to-finish-a-goddamn-degree lulz.

I’m-trying-to-finish-a-goddamn-degree lulz.

It has not been a great week in Fionaland.


BUT. The Race for Life is so soon! And that is very exciting.


Look! You can even see my Race for Life top drying on the radiator behind me. It is ready for action, baby! I am…attempting to get ready for action. I’ve even downloaded a running app, because that’s how modern folks get shit done. It even sends me a weekly fitness report so that I can see how many pizzas I have burned off. Answer: about half a slice. report.

Oooooh…fitness report.

As you can see, I haven’t quite managed 5k yet. Because I am a lazy slob. And also hopefully because the training plan is not finished yet. But we’re still plugging away (the boyfriend is still accompanying me, and has stopped threatening to murder me every 5 minutes – mainly because he doesn’t have the breath to do so), so please, scroll on up and hit that “donate” button, we’re just over £100 away from our target.

*On an unrelated note, mad respect for Angelina Jolie speaking so openly about her choice to have a double mastectomy.  Prevention is better than cures, people, so make sure that you are doing everything that you can to decrease your chances of developing cancer. The Cancer Research UK website has loads of  useful information on healthy living here, and of course, if you have any worries, please go talk to your doctor. My mum did, it might have saved her life.

**6pm update:

Mid-May-torrential-hailstorm lulz are both interfering with my training and totally harshing my mellow.

Mid-May-torrential-hailstorm lulz are both interfering with my training and totally harshing my mellow.

*** 7pm update:

Our-windows-are-falling-apart-oh-god-why-is-this-happening lulz

Our-windows-are-falling-apart-oh-god-why-is-this-happening lulz



Just over £100 to raise before we hit our target, and around 17 days to do it! I still have my fingers crossed for a last minute windfall, so please give what you can everyone!



Today I was thinking about all the stuff I’ve done in preparation for my Race, and while my running is still utterly pants, I’ve tried a lot of things that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise tried. Blogging for example. But I’ve also had a go at a couple of sporty-esque things that I sort of always wanted to try, but was too embarrassed to, in case it turned out I was rubbish. Turns out all I needed was a good cause to embarrass myself in the name of.

Some of you may wish to point out that my original misgivings were correct. I am totally rubbish. But that is not the point. I’m just chuffed that I was brave enough to give it a go. And while my golf swing hasn’t improved all that much, I seem to have had a bit of beginners luck with some of my other new pursuits.

Mad skillz.

Mad skillz.

I’ve gotten fitter (maybe), had a load of fun, and most importantly, gotten the hell out of the house during dissertation and exam time when I would really rather have wept into my pillow and drowned in tequila slammers. And hopefully this will continue long after my Race is run. Unlike last year, when my training ceased the second I crossed the finish line.

Cliched as it sounds, it’s been a bit of a journey, folks. And it’s been really awesome to have you guys keeping me company. Keep donating, we’re near the finish line now!



Best start counting your pennies everyone, only 18 more days until Sister Act take to Glasgow Green to show cancer exactly what we think of it! Very exciting altogether.

We’ve had some rather beautiful weather in Edinburgh this week.



Unfortunately, I missed out on the majority of it. In keeping with tradition, our day of Summer has coincided with exam period.

BUT this good weather did instill the hope that our running would be pleasant for a change. However, we weren’t the only ones heading out to soak up the sun, and what with our jogging route being so pretty and all, we were far from alone. After one day of sunny weather, the Meadows looked like this:


Given the choice, I would run through a post-apocalyptic wasteland rather than an idyllic park if it meant that I could avoid the shame of being seen. Niall commented yesterday as we huffed and puffed our way past bemused picnickers that he suddenly understood the appeal of a burqa. And I’ve gotta say, as the combined effort, unusual heat and mortifying embarrassment turned me the colour and consistency of a boiled ham, I was inclined to agree with him.

I'm so embarrassed, I wish everyone else was dead.

I’m so embarrassed, I wish everyone else was dead.

So the training programme lied. This jogging lark is not getting any more fun. But I’m hoping that once my heart and lungs get over four years worth of deep fried pizza, midnight chocolate binges, and two-for-one sambuca deals, it might someday be something that I enjoy doing. We can only hope. Keep donating everyone, we’re almost there!


Since the Race is getting very, very close now, you guys can expect me to be on your case for the next 20 days solid. I apologise. I also apologise for not being even a little bit sorry.


I know some of you watched our Sister Act promo video, like, at least three of you or something. So thank you very, very much to you guys. And of course, thank you to everyone who has been reading along with the blog. I’ve absolutely loved doing this blog and finding that people actually enjoy reading my ramblings, and I’m a little bit sad that it’s going to be coming to an end soon. But I can assure you that we’ll be going out with a bang, completing an awesome Race and hopefully punching last years total right in the face.

Today, in time honoured tradition of humiliating myself for your entertainment, begging for your money and generally having no shame, I present to you yet another video. Here we have the blooper reel of “Sister Act: the Revenge”, complete with hilarious director commentary. Don’t say I’m not good to you. (I’m sorry that the video is so quiet. I don’t know how to do the computers).

The countdown has definitely started everyone, don’t miss this opportunity for eternal karma. Only 20-ish days left to make a donation to the greatest running team ever to come out of Paisley.

Can’t Control My Feet

Well hello there, everybody. Long time no speak. I sincerely apologise for the radio silence, I’ve been busy drowning in a pit of my own despair, so haven’t had too much time to be throwing witty barbs at cancer.

Learning by osmosis.

Learning by osmosis.

However, yesterday, I found myself alone in the flat on a particularly gloomy day on which my dissertation was being particularly uncooperative. If only there was something I could do to make myself feel instantly happier, instantly more energised and instantly better about myself…


Visual Metaphor

Visual Metaphor

I could do some exercise! Maybe a little bit of Race for Life training was just what I needed to pull myself out of my dissertation slump and get refocused! Yeah! Woo!

So, I downloaded the Race for Life Joggers Training Plan – I know, I know, I’m nothing if not an optimist.

Screen Shot 2013-03-29 at 13.57.53

I put on some kickass music.

Screen Shot 2013-03-29 at 13.58.42

The trainers finally got some action.

Photo on 29-03-2013 at 13.22


And I did me some exercise! Since I’m a massive slob, I decided that I really did need to start from the beginning, so followed the nice lady’s instructions and alternated 3 minutes walking and 2 minutes jogging for 20 minutes. Mortifyingly, I actually got quite out of breath. I should also point out that I was jogging around my living room, so god help me when I move outside! Yes, feel free to picture that and laugh, I do cut a fairly hilarious figure.

I decided to finish up my training sesh (I say sesh now) with a cancer slam, just in case cancer thought I was going soft. The song came to an end and I struck a triumphant pose along with the dollies on the screen.

At precisely that moment, there was a knock on my door. I nearly fell over in my haste to remove myself from my triumphant pose. God forbid my flatmates should catch me doing something so horribly embarrassing as training for the 5k I’m going to run. I started to walk towards the door, when suddenly I had an even more horrifying thought. What if it was my downstairs neighbour, coming to give me a telling off for making such a racket. Oh dear.

Of course, my worries, as per usual, were unfounded. At the door was a nice man from Asda, delivering my shopping. I set the bags down in the hall and stopped to have a think. Let’s scroll back up to that training plan and have a look at what the nice lady is saying. For those of you too lazy to scroll, she’s saying that you should always stretch after your workouts. In fact, this reminder is repeated multiple times in the training section of the Race for Life website. But on the other hand, I had shopping that needed to go in the fridge.

I’ll just quickly put my shopping away, and then I’ll do my stretches afterwards. The things we tell ourselves, eh?

After I put my shopping away, I was feeling pretty good. I wasn’t out of breath anymore and I felt much more awake than I did before the training. I certainly wasn’t feeling sore or tight. Do we see where this is going? I, Fiona, the girl who is so unfit that she has to train in her living room before she feels okay going outside, decided that I didn’t need to stretch.

And so, this morning, somewhat inevitably, I woke up with very sore legs.



My legs are sore from doing 20 minutes of exercise, only 8 minutes of which actually consisted of jogging. I am the worst Race for Life candidate ever.

BUT, on the plus side, I have just over eight weeks to go until Race Day. Meaning that I have started training two weeks earlier than I have to, according to nice Race for Life training plan lady. If I can’t get fit in eight weeks, then I feel there really is no hope for me. Encouragement and donations are very, very much appreciated, god knows, I’ve got a long way to go.