12

So, I had fully intended to do a blog post every day running up to our race, because that’s how a countdown normally works. But then life happened. And this week, life has been a real barrel of laughs.

Bath-laundry-because-washing-machine-has-broken lulz.

Bath-laundry-because-washing-machine-has-broken lulz.

Laptop charger lulz.

Laptop charger lulz.

Kitchen-sink-is-also-broken lulz.

Kitchen-sink-is-also-broken lulz.

I'm-trying-to-finish-a-goddamn-degree lulz.

I’m-trying-to-finish-a-goddamn-degree lulz.

It has not been a great week in Fionaland.

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BUT. The Race for Life is so soon! And that is very exciting.

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Look! You can even see my Race for Life top drying on the radiator behind me. It is ready for action, baby! I am…attempting to get ready for action. I’ve even downloaded a running app, because that’s how modern folks get shit done. It even sends me a weekly fitness report so that I can see how many pizzas I have burned off. Answer: about half a slice.

Oooooh...fitness report.

Oooooh…fitness report.

As you can see, I haven’t quite managed 5k yet. Because I am a lazy slob. And also hopefully because the training plan is not finished yet. But we’re still plugging away (the boyfriend is still accompanying me, and has stopped threatening to murder me every 5 minutes – mainly because he doesn’t have the breath to do so), so please, scroll on up and hit that “donate” button, we’re just over £100 away from our target.

*On an unrelated note, mad respect for Angelina Jolie speaking so openly about her choice to have a double mastectomy.  Prevention is better than cures, people, so make sure that you are doing everything that you can to decrease your chances of developing cancer. The Cancer Research UK website has loads of  useful information on healthy living here, and of course, if you have any worries, please go talk to your doctor. My mum did, it might have saved her life.

**6pm update:

Mid-May-torrential-hailstorm lulz are both interfering with my training and totally harshing my mellow.

Mid-May-torrential-hailstorm lulz are both interfering with my training and totally harshing my mellow.

*** 7pm update:

Our-windows-are-falling-apart-oh-god-why-is-this-happening lulz

Our-windows-are-falling-apart-oh-god-why-is-this-happening lulz

 

17

Just over £100 to raise before we hit our target, and around 17 days to do it! I still have my fingers crossed for a last minute windfall, so please give what you can everyone!

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Today I was thinking about all the stuff I’ve done in preparation for my Race, and while my running is still utterly pants, I’ve tried a lot of things that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise tried. Blogging for example. But I’ve also had a go at a couple of sporty-esque things that I sort of always wanted to try, but was too embarrassed to, in case it turned out I was rubbish. Turns out all I needed was a good cause to embarrass myself in the name of.

Some of you may wish to point out that my original misgivings were correct. I am totally rubbish. But that is not the point. I’m just chuffed that I was brave enough to give it a go. And while my golf swing hasn’t improved all that much, I seem to have had a bit of beginners luck with some of my other new pursuits.

Mad skillz.

Mad skillz.

I’ve gotten fitter (maybe), had a load of fun, and most importantly, gotten the hell out of the house during dissertation and exam time when I would really rather have wept into my pillow and drowned in tequila slammers. And hopefully this will continue long after my Race is run. Unlike last year, when my training ceased the second I crossed the finish line.

Cliched as it sounds, it’s been a bit of a journey, folks. And it’s been really awesome to have you guys keeping me company. Keep donating, we’re near the finish line now!

18

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Best start counting your pennies everyone, only 18 more days until Sister Act take to Glasgow Green to show cancer exactly what we think of it! Very exciting altogether.

We’ve had some rather beautiful weather in Edinburgh this week.

Glorious!

Glorious!

Unfortunately, I missed out on the majority of it. In keeping with tradition, our day of Summer has coincided with exam period.

BUT this good weather did instill the hope that our running would be pleasant for a change. However, we weren’t the only ones heading out to soak up the sun, and what with our jogging route being so pretty and all, we were far from alone. After one day of sunny weather, the Meadows looked like this:

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Given the choice, I would run through a post-apocalyptic wasteland rather than an idyllic park if it meant that I could avoid the shame of being seen. Niall commented yesterday as we huffed and puffed our way past bemused picnickers that he suddenly understood the appeal of a burqa. And I’ve gotta say, as the combined effort, unusual heat and mortifying embarrassment turned me the colour and consistency of a boiled ham, I was inclined to agree with him.

I'm so embarrassed, I wish everyone else was dead.

I’m so embarrassed, I wish everyone else was dead.

So the training programme lied. This jogging lark is not getting any more fun. But I’m hoping that once my heart and lungs get over four years worth of deep fried pizza, midnight chocolate binges, and two-for-one sambuca deals, it might someday be something that I enjoy doing. We can only hope. Keep donating everyone, we’re almost there!

20.

Since the Race is getting very, very close now, you guys can expect me to be on your case for the next 20 days solid. I apologise. I also apologise for not being even a little bit sorry.

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I know some of you watched our Sister Act promo video, like, at least three of you or something. So thank you very, very much to you guys. And of course, thank you to everyone who has been reading along with the blog. I’ve absolutely loved doing this blog and finding that people actually enjoy reading my ramblings, and I’m a little bit sad that it’s going to be coming to an end soon. But I can assure you that we’ll be going out with a bang, completing an awesome Race and hopefully punching last years total right in the face.

Today, in time honoured tradition of humiliating myself for your entertainment, begging for your money and generally having no shame, I present to you yet another video. Here we have the blooper reel of “Sister Act: the Revenge”, complete with hilarious director commentary. Don’t say I’m not good to you. (I’m sorry that the video is so quiet. I don’t know how to do the computers).

The countdown has definitely started everyone, don’t miss this opportunity for eternal karma. Only 20-ish days left to make a donation to the greatest running team ever to come out of Paisley.

3 Weeks To Go!

The Race for Life season is well and truly underway now, with the first two events having taken place today! Congratulations to all the ladies who ran, walked or danced their way through a Race today, you are all superheroes. Today also marks exactly three weeks until Sister Act take on Glasgow. Three weeks people. 21 days. This is very exciting.

Woohoo!

Woohoo!

Today, I was talking to the ladies at Fitness Chicks gym, who ran the Cancer Slam warm up for the South Queensferry event, and will be doing it at the Edinburgh event next month. This was their first experience of Race for Life, and both of them were incredibly moved and delighted. The joy of seeing so many women there, the emotion of reading the back signs and the unbelievable buzz of the event that they described were all things that I recognised and remembered from my first Race last year. I can’t wait to do it again. If you’ve never done it before, get yourself signed up, there’s really nothing like it!

The ladies have also been helping me out with my training, helping me develop muscles that Arnie would be jealous of.

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Okay, maybe not, but that’s not bad for a girl whose previous exercise regimen consisted of walking between the sofa and the fridge.

Unfortunately, while my body is undeniably getting stronger, my running hasn’t really improved all that much. My legs have built up enough that they can handle the intense stress of gentle jogging, but my heart and my lungs are not very cooperative. Alas, my penchant for deep fried Mars Bars, wine and general laziness seem to have resulted in my having the heart and lungs of a fifty-year-old, chain-smoking Paisley man. I am stuck on week 3 of the training programme, which features a distinctly unimpressive twelve minutes of jogging. Between the effort required to keep moving and the embarrassment of being constantly overtaken by old ladies and people pushing prams, I generally look like this:

Except less happy

Except less happy. And more shiny and disgusting.

To anyone who has had the misfortune of seing me schlepping around the Meadows, I am truly sorry. And a big, big thank you to the boy, who has been keeping me company, and reassuring me that I am awesome and sexy, not, in fact a big disgusting slob.

Nonetheless, the prospect of jogging still makes me feel like this:

Practising for my new career as a rug.

Practising for my new career as a rug.

I’m keeping at it though, and hopefully in three weeks time, I might be able to run for twelve minutes without feeling like I’m going to vomit my lungs through my nose. Also, by then I might be able to keep up with the toddlers cycling their tricycles around the Meadows. Still holding out hope for the “runners high”. I don’t think I’ll hold my breath though. Mainly because I have none left to hold.

Sister Act: the Movie (No, Not That One)

Well folks, the Race is getting close and I’m still hoping that we can beat last year’s donation total. So many of you have been so incredibly generous already, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. But we’re still not through with cancer. We decided that to beat our total, we’d have to do something fairly extraordinary. So, without any more ado, I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, Sister Act: the Revenge: the Movie.

*Warning. This video contains a familiar sweary slogan.*

Enjoy. Cancer, we’re coming for you.

Donate here.

Blame It On The Weatherman

Well everyone, it’s been a busy week in Fionaland. I’m sorry that this did not translate to a busy blog, but I was very busy getting a job.

Baby gifs are the greatest.

BUT this business did not detract from my very committed training. (Why is business spelled like that? I mean busy-ness. English is such a troll.) The weather may have detracted from it just a teensy bit.

I started out with the best of intentions, I swear I did. I saw that outside looked ever so slightly apocalyptic, but decided to man up and push through it. After all, it might rain on Race day. In fact, it’s Glasgow, it will definitely rain on Race day. So it’s no excuse for not training. I donned my running gear and took off jogging down the street.

It took about twelve seconds for me to realise that I had made a grave, grave mistake.

Photo by Tadas Cerniauskas.

Guys, I’m pretty tiny. I really am. I fit into that category of people who was told to stay inside during Hurricane Bawbag. I have been literally blown into the street. Unnecessary gale force winds make it quite difficult for me to run. Even with approximately four tons of water accumulating in my clothes, the wind was making me run like a drunk clown. Also, with an interview for a very snazzy grad job the next day, I didn’t relish the prospect of developing pneumonia. Of all desirable interview techniques, I don’t think turning up like a frozen snotter is advisable.

Of course, the weather remained terrible and I did this anyway.

After spending at least a second weighing the pros and cons of each course of action, I decided to abandon ship and resume wimpy indoor training.

However, I did feel like a little bit of a cop out. Running inside is so not comparable to doing it outside. Running outside is, like, twice as hard.

Reuse of visual metaphor because I'm not fit to look on before 12.

Reuse of visual metaphor because I’m not fit to look on before 12.

Why don’t I just…double the time advised by the training plan?! Why not indeed. Now before you all start taking the mick, I’ll have you know that I managed it just fine.

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This may be the most exercise I’ve done in a very long time.

The last time I exercised.

The last time I exercised.

So I was feeling very chuffed. Until I woke up, very nervous on the morning of my interview to find that I couldn’t move my legs. Not exactly what I’d been hoping for. And now, it’s a gloriously beautiful day, I’m due to go out for a run and my legs are still aching. I am the worst person at this running thing. The worst. Although Sophie might be worse. I wouldn’t know, having never once seen her run.

I’m not sure I would describe the training as “going well”, but if we’re all being honest here, I think it’s probably progressing entirely as expected. I have assurance from the boyfriend that he is also continuing his training and that he plans to murder me as soon as he sets foot back on the same island as me.

It’s getting close to Race day now, just over a month to go! Donation-wise, we are a little bit ahead of what we were this time last year, so I’m still hoping to smash that total. Please help us out and give what you can.

If anyone will be around Braehead tomorrow afternoon, please come and say hello! I’ll be manning a Race for Life stall beside Thorntons from 12 until 5. I’m not entirely sure what exactly I’ll be doing, but I’ll be dressed in pink and it will probably be embarrassing. What else are interns for?